SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2011

I always thought that I've been in love before. But now that I'm older, it was lust and hormones.
It makes me sad knowing that I've never felt that way about anyone before.
I mean, yes, I love Chance with all of my heart, but with all the fighting, I don't feel the love. I only long for it. No matter how much I try to convince him that I would do anything and everything for him, he shuts me down. Always. It's not every once in a while when he's in a bad mood, it's all the time. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even trying anymore, December 2nd will be one year of being completely dedicated to someone who doesn't even love me back.

And it makes me think, everything that I do for him is nothing. Laundry, Cleaning House, Catering to him, cooking for him, literally doing EVERYTHING he asks.
Every once in a while I'll get a "yeah thanks." or a "Thank you." But not very often.

It's like I strive for those moments where it seems perfect for a few seconds, but to be honest, besides those good moments, it's shit. I'm always wrong or in trouble for something. Always accused of cheating on him, even though I sit here everyday and wait for him to come home so I can cater to him more. I just don't know what to think anymore. Cause if we both decided to split up, it would be awkward, cause we share a room. And he's in no big hurry to move out of our friends.

I just wish someone would give me advice other than "Just leave him, you deserve better." I need more then that.